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backtracking

  • Oct. 15th, 2009 at 10:34 PM
jollibee

 according to my blog, i wrote this melodramatic, poser emo punk piece last april 14, 2006: i was so lonely today, i felt like slashing my wrists. i don't know why. or maybe i do. i just don't want to accept. the only things that are keeping me alive are my imaginary friends, my supposed dreams and the hope that tomorrow won't be like today. i love my music. my ipod is the only sane thing that's making me smile. i just walked up 5 flights of stairs and it hurts. i don't know where to run.

haha. it's so incoherently stupid and shallow, it's amusing. but i remember that i was serious about what i wrote, that i really felt that bad, that life seemed bleak, and no matter how bright the sun tried to shine, i looked at the world in muddy gray shades. how emo. lol. i can hear dashboard confessional in the background. haha!

oh God, how good you are to me, thank you for sending Jesus to save me from myself, those thoughts, that life i had, now, no matter how brutal the rain may fall, how harsh the wind may blast, and how cruelly the storms in my life may rage, i have hope. i have life. and i have a reason to smile forever. sometimes, i pity my heart. the joy that God provides is too much that my lil ole heart can't seem to contain it. my heart would always burst at the seams, trying to choke back all that God provides. 

now i look at myself in the mirror and i have to wink at myself. you know how it feels to win the lottery without having to buy a ticket? lol. that's how i feel sometimes. i won bigtime and i didn't have to do anything. i did not have to anything to win God's love, to make Him bless me and to look after my every need, but still in His goodness and mercy, He does all these for me. and you. for us. isn't it so rock and roll to have all these things?

how can one live without God in his/her life? i don't know how I managed all those years, growing up but keeping God at bay. 

 

externally, if you look at my life then, and compare it with today, it would seem like nothing has changed. same line of work, same wonderful set of friends, awesome supportive family,  love life (:p coming soon daw) but my outlook, my heart, my soul has been eternally changed.

that doesn't happen just because. He is real and He is here.

if you wake up in the morning, sigh in resignation, go to work grudgingly, work half heartedly, and go home in relief...
if you're perpetually busy, with your social calendar packed to the brim....
if you feel like a hamster, stuck in a solitary wheel, running and running but never getting...
if you have a stellar career, a fabulous family, a solid supportive circle of friends, a blooming romance...
but still have that nagging little piece of emptiness that you try to brush into the dark unseen corners of your heart?

remember that in the same way that a square peg can never fit in a round hole, we cannot fill the God shaped hole in our heart with  the typical things of our world. that emptiness can only be filled by God and God alone. 

think about it.
 
i'm so glad God never gave up on me. Thank You,

***(i cannot believe that i ever thought an ipod could make me happy!!!) C'MOWN!!!!!!! ****


double vanilla at 10 in the evening

  • Oct. 15th, 2009 at 10:05 PM
smile
i strongly fear that i might have lost that part of me that makes ME. the child inside of me that used to dream, muse and wander into the nether regions of her imagination might have passed away. the means as to which i had meant to achieve my ends have become "ends" in themselves. what does debt management have to do with being human? with love? with serving God? 'm probably just tired of grad school. but i can't help but think that AGAIN i have been misplaced. i am doing things, living a life that is mediocre to what God has really prepared for me. A great, wonderful, terrifying, granduous, beautiful, God filled, rainbow splattered, cotton candy, waves a-crashing, roller coaster ride. Instead, I'm settling for the merry go around. Pretty, yes. Comfortable, yes. But I'm taking the safe route, Despite the fact that i know that God is the Creator of the whole wide universe, is faithful, good, willing, able and has a desire to bless His children, i still (in all honestly) hesitate to trust Him in all facets of my life. I've turned over to Him the easy ones, like my family and friends, but the really crucial ones, I've steel gripped them, and have a hard time letting go. I say I trust Him, but I still choose to be the one in control. The part that makes me ME has been lost in all these struggling, and restlessness. Be obedient, heart,. In my letting go, in stopping the hunt (for whatever it is that I'm running after) I know I will find me again. Because who I am is embedded in the One that made me. For I was made in his likeness.

God help me to move forward, to let go of desires that are not pleasing to You. I wish to dream again of cotton candy dreams, to open my life to others and truly live again.

my generation

  • Sep. 14th, 2009 at 11:53 PM
jollibee
i so grateful to God for having chosen this nation, and this generation for me to be born into. i'm glad that i have the privilege of being able to appreciate rotary phones, tv with only 5 channels (no wonder i could memorize all the time shows for all the channels when i was a kid), MS Perfect, DOS based programs, and the need to go to an actualy library with REAL, HEAVY books while i was studying. I'm glad that I know how much more romantic a written letter is than a fancy email with animations and music, I'm glad that i know how hard it is to meet up with people, and know the importance of having to stay put in one place when meeting up with friends because text messaging was non sequitur at that time, i'm glad that I was born right smack dab in the part of human beings existence wherein technology has advanced in warp speed time in the last 20 years. Now, I'm sitting in a coffeeshop at 12 midnight, somewhere in the metro, writing my thoughts on a 10.1 pink gadget, while chatting with my friend who is in singapore, texting with a friend who is in Los Banos, and knowing that I can transmit this message and have the opportunity for the whole world to read this, if they care anyway. i take these things for granted, truth be told, but when i give myself to breathe and think, these things dawn on me again. how blessed i am. how good God is. and how grateful i am to be living at the beginning of the 21st century. i really really love it. it has ceased to amaze me sometimes, but just just just think about it. Galing no.

Derailed

  • Feb. 20th, 2009 at 12:23 AM
jollibee

For some weird reason, I like staring at people's faces. Startling blue eyes, punkheads, people passing by, man and woman holding hands, man and man holding hands, a precocious toddler inside an elevator, people crying at the airport. These things evoke a nostalgic emotion in me. My first tendency is to stare into a person's eyes, especially if she's a woman. We know that women are so much more complicated than a man. That's why we were made after the man. Man was just the guinea pig. Kidding. Hehe. It's just that  we were made with so much more layers to us, more flexible, more lovable. People's faces are amazing, how they can morph into a completely different human  being, by just having a slighty bigger nose, by 3 millimeters, a smaller curvature of the lips, slightly furrier brows, it's amazing. Billions of people in the world, hardly anyone looks exactly like everyone else. Even identical twins have some differences. I don't know what i'm looking for when I stare at people. Maybe I'm trying to figure out who they are, where they came from, and where they want to go. It would have been eaiser if I asked them. But they could be lying.  But eyes don't lie, they can't. The twitch of a nose belies a thousand sentences. And a smile, oh a smile! How many secrets can lips tell, without even uttering a sound. How wonderful the face of man is. I stare at people because I'm looking for myself,  Im searching for myself, I'm checking each face, each mole, each wrinkle, each crease on the mouth, to see if I am there. Do they see me? Does he understand what I've been through? I look and look at the faces of people and look for myself. But there is no one who is like me.

God in my life

  • May. 24th, 2008 at 2:58 AM
jollibee
I'm so grateful to have God in my life. I look at my previous blogs and I'm amazed at how different I am now. There's a concept I learned from mabur, about phantom limbs.

A phantom limb is the sensation that an amputated or missing limb (even an organ, like the appendix) is still attached to the body and is moving appropriately with other body parts. Approximately 50 to 80% of individuals with an amputation experience phantom sensations in their amputated limb, and the majority of the sensations are painful.Phantom sensations may also occur after the removal of body parts other than the limbs, e.g. after amputation of the breast, extraction of a tooth (phantom tooth pain) or removal of an eye (phantom eye syndrome). The missing limb often feels shorter and may feel as if it is in a distorted and painful position. Occasionally, the pain can be made worse by stress, anxiety and weather changes.

Even though that particular limb may have been cut off, we continue to feel the pain attached to that limb. Which is the same for some of the things that we've had in the past, I realize that I still have been holding on to some of the hurts and pains I've felt and use it as my defense to justify my current actions. And to think that this is when I've come to realize that Jesus is the Lord of my life. I really need to let go to be able to receive that gifts that He wants to give to me.

I used to be so EMO (in the real sense, not the punk poser type) for the longest time, that when an opportunity to be EMO pops up, I grab it, hug it and make it mine. but when you have Christ in your life--when you realize how truly and absolutely loved you are, you are amazed and you are never the same person again. I realize that sometimes I have my phantom ghost moments - when I make small things bigger than what they actually are. i.e. being heartbroken - i like to prolong the agony and pretend that it hurts more than it really does when God has already healed my heart. its just that it gives me something solid to hold on to. something to be overly melodramatic about. The fingers were illusory, but I allow the pain to be real. when in reality, all of things of my past, the bad awful hurtful things have already been cut off, forgiven, yet I still allow it to affect me. I look behind me, like Lot's wife, only to be made into a pillar of salt. then i realize how stupid that is, when all I really need to hold on to is my faith. AND NOTHING ELSE.

O God, you are my God
I earnestly search for you
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory
Your unfailing love is better than
life itself;
how I praise you!
I will praise you as long as I live
lifting up my hands to you in prayer
You satisfy me more than the richest feast
I will praise you with songs of joy
I lie awake thinking of you
meditating on you though the night
Because you are my helper
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings
I cling to you
your strong right hand holds
me securely.

-Psalm 63:1-8 (NLT)

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Awake (again) for 30 hours

  • Mar. 15th, 2008 at 10:51 AM
jollibee

Cjey arrived yesterday. Weee! Went to pick her up. Wrong airport. Ate at market! market! with cjey and moki. 1st time at Ocean Park. Weee! Met up with Sheng in Greenbelt. Waited for Janice. Ate the night away. Slept while the rest sang their hearts out videoke. Sang one song: Papa don't preach. Weee!  Ate. Again. Went home. Still awake. Now sleepy. Will write more when I'm coherent =p

Hardcore Miracle

  • Jan. 14th, 2008 at 12:44 PM
jollibee
i have never in my life stopped believing in miracles. i knew they came in big and small packages alike. 

but i figured that when Jesus multiplied the loaves of bread, He was present, He was there to make it happen. that in our present day in time, miracles still happen but in a somewhat diluted version. like, a baby's birth. or maybe you're lacking money and feeling hungry, and then a friend will come along to treat you. or a family member will get well from a sickness. i thought that God was always watching but he would send angels in the form of other people to create that miracle. but what my friend Mercy and I experienced was beyond comprehension, super natural, nothing less than what we called a 'hardcore miracle'.

now, i'm gonna drop some numbers but only to better illustrate what happened :) and may i remind you that we all received a 13th month pay in december. haha! i'm going on the defensive here with regards to my salary =p

here we go.

once upon a time, about 2 weeks ago, mercy and i both attended a 6pm sunday service. just before it started, i remembered that i had planned to complete my december tithes that day. quickly, i told mercy i had to leave the room to withdraw money. she graciously offered to lend me the money i needed, to avoid the trouble. i needed exactly P4,700. i had not been able to give properly for the previous weeks services. she only had P1,900 at that time. or so she said. but i didn't hear it. the only thing i remembered hearing was that mercy said, 'ay, kulang pala pera ko'.

i knew i was gonna fidget and worry in my seat throughout the service, uncomfortable that i would not be able to give the little i could return for all the blessings He had bestowed on me. and it was the last sunday service for 2007! so, determined to look for an atm, i left the room, placing hope in manong guard to tell me that there was an atm within a 5 feet radius. no such luck. the nearest one was apparently on the 1st floor. i was way above on the 4th floor, and taking human traffic into consideration, i knew it was a lost cause. I asked, "Lord, is it ok if I go down now, but I really don't want to be late! What should I do?"

I went back feeling confident I'd be able to complete my tithe anyhow. I was thinking that maybe I could give the rest after the service. Offering came, and I took the P1,500 that I had in my wallet. I checked Mercy's wallet to add her cash to what I already had. I pulled out three (count that: 3) CRISP 1000 peso bills. I thought, maybe that's why she said it wasn't enough, she had 3K while I needed 4.7K. So no biggie right. I put the P4500 in the envelope. Realizing it was still lacking, i pulled out 2 (yes, two) more one hundred peso bills from her wallet.

Satisfied that I didn't have to go down and having been able to complete my tithe, I said my Thanks with a grateful heart.

Being fans of KFC, we headed over to good old Colonel Sanders place after the service. Mercy asked for her wallet, and while I was handing it over, I told her I took P3,200 from it.

"Ha? San galing yon?!"

"Are you sure?"

"Are you sure?!"

"Patingin nga  ng resibo mo.."

"Are you sure?"

"Di nga?!"

"Baka kala mo P1000 pero P100 lang talaga..."

"Tsong, kulay blue yon e, hindi ube, saka binilang ko pa, 3K yon.."

Hence, our frenzied conversation went something like the text above. We couldn't stop laughing not out of amusement but out of sheer amazement of what happened. Mercy shared with me, that she had attended the 10am service and gave out P2000 for her own tithes, stepping out in faith, that the good Lord will take care of her needs. She had to pay her rent to maintain her place, phone bills, her family's needs..basically a lot. She only had P1,900 left that day since she ate a P100 lunch.

But how could I have gotten all that cash, when her P1000 bill was tucked neatly behind the photo and I never peeked at that. How could I have procured 2 (yeah, I said two) 100 peso bills when her 100 peso bills amounting to P900 wasn't even touched. The money she had, remained the same plus the money I borrowed from her. She had enough to pay her bills, I was able to give my tithes happily as she had done earlier in the morning.

Nothing short than a hardcore miracle.

I use the word Amazing often to describe our Lord. His goodness, kindness and Faithfulness. But Amazing sometimes isn't enough. Totally and absolutely wondrous.

I texted almost everybody in my phonebook that night to tell them that I had experienced a miracle. So this is why I write this today. Some people to whom I had narrated the  story to had their doubts, which I actually fully understand. In today's cynical world, its kinda hard to believe things (but that's another story altogether). But let go of everything except your belief in the Lord's heart. We need to trust firmly and wholeheartedly to Him. But unless we're holding on to something else, we cannot hold on to Him. We need to let go before we can hold on. And when we do, He will overtake us with His blessings.

Everybody in the world may let us down without them wanting to. But God's word never fails. He said that He will instruct us in His ways, watching and guiding over us always. You know the lyric , "I'll be there for you, these 5 words I swear to you"? The Lord had promised us these long before Bon Jovi even began to write it down. Hehe.

How good you are Lord. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Random Late Night Thoughts

  • Jan. 13th, 2008 at 11:20 PM
jollibee
there's something comforting about hearing my dad snore while i'm staying up late surfing the net. the house gets quiet, deafeningly quiet during nightime and hearing my dad grumble in his sleep oblivious to the tv's noise is amusing background music. 
---

i've made so many plans, new year's resolutions in the past, goals that i wanted to achieve with all the determination that i could muster. but this is the only time that at the start of a year that i've felt truly content, absolutely confident, that things will come to a fruition. that i am no longer depending on my own will but on His. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. May His Will be done.

This year is gonna rock!

belated happy fathers day

  • Jun. 28th, 2007 at 11:04 AM
crybaby

my bestfriend in the whole wide world is my DAD. i've had several people in my life call me bestfriend and i've tagged them the same. but my dad is the one who has always always been there and has loved me unconditionally. regardless of what a brat i can be. (my designated bff jenny has called me a brat once during our college years).

he's always THE man. always there to wait for me whether i'm playing piko with my friends or maybe when i've ran away, cracking jokes when i'm heartbroken over a guy, gives (in)sane advice, will come pick me up when i'm sick though i live 3 hours away and believes in my capabilities no matter what. 

when i was growing up, i couldn't remember him ever being sick. my mom would say he had a fever, but he'd just brush it off and eat more vegetables. he was always out playing tennis, in the corn fields (he's a scientist), going out looking for the fun in life.

my parents would always enroll me in swimming class during summer breaks. at the end of each summer, they would hold a swim competition for all the kids to see who was the best in freestyle, backstroke and all the diff styles. and they would have one for the parents as well - the adult events. one such summer, i ended up winning all the events and my dad won all the adult events. that was so cool.

majority of the things i still love up to now, i can attribute to my dad. swimming, love of reading, travel, movies - i only realized recently that they were his influences.

i went to visit my brother in the US last may, and interestingly enough he also considers our dad as his bestfriend too.

good thing, my dad tells me i'm his bestfriend coz i'm more like him. heeeeeeheeeeee =p

which is why its so hard for me now to see him now as anything less than the strongest man in the world.  he's been sickly lately complaining about his foot, his back, his heart. my mom told me last night that he can't even manage to play tennis anymore.  that's uncomprehendable. my dad has been playing tennis my whole life. if i were to paint him, he'd be wearing his tennis short and shoes and wielding a blue tennis racket.

if my dad is getting older, does that mean i'm not his little girl anymore? 

my dad is cool. he's gonna be okay. he's gonna be well. i know this much. i know. i believe it.

 



who i really am.... =p lol.

  • May. 31st, 2007 at 2:23 PM
with twink
dahil inggitera ako kay musidora. lol.
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More positive thinking

  • May. 23rd, 2007 at 1:16 PM
jollibee
From Og  Mandino's The Greatest Mystery in the World.

'The wise saying, "As I think in my heart so I am" not only embraces the whole of my being, but is so comprehensive as to reach out to every condition and circumstance of my life. I am literally what I think, my character being the compete sum of all my thoughts.

I am made or unmade by myself; in the armory of thought I forge the weapons by which I destroy myself; I also fashion the tools with which I can build for myself heavenly mansions of joy strength and peace.By the right choice and true application of thought I am able to ascend to Divine Perfection, by the abuse and wrong application of thought, I descend below the level of the beast.

I am the master of thought, the moulder of character, and the maker and shaper of my condition, my environment and my destiny.

As a being of Power, Intelligence and Love, and the creator of my own thoughts, I hold the key to every situation, and possess within myself that tranforming and regenerative agency by which I may make myself whatever I will.'

May. 15th, 2007

  • 7:24 AM
ilovesummer

you know how we say we want to move forward and forget our bad experiences? we make grandiose statements, we tell our good friends all about it, we paste huge smiles on our faces and think we are okay. we deny so much that we fool even ourselves. i don't know how far 'positive thinking' can bring us when deep inside we are still affected.

well...i'm making another one. and i want my whole being to be listening. coz sometimes my mouth says something, but my brain doubts it, then my heart mocks me. then my guts say a totally different thing. my body is all out of sorts. nobody agrees with anybody. it's a microcosm for philippine politics.

here it is.

I REFUSE, WILL NOT, WILL NEVER BE AGAIN, A  PAWN IN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES. I WILL TAKE CONTROL OF THE 'POWER OF CHOICE' AND WILL COMPLETE MY PAST. MY PAST HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY FUTURE. I WILL CONSCIOUSLY USE THE 'POWER' TO DIRECT MY DESTINY. I WILL NEVER ALLOW TO SIMPLY DEFLECT THE FORCES THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE ABLE TO USE TO THEIR ADVANTAGE. 

GOD GAVE ME FREE WILL. I AM GRATEFUL FOR THIS AND WILL MAXIMIZE IT. I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE, I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL. 

INVICTUS MEANS UNCONQUERED.

I CREATE MY OWN.

I SOLEMNLY SWEAR AND PROMISE MYSELF TO ONLY THINK OF CHEERFUL, HAPPY, POSITIVE, THOUGHTS. IF PAIN AND SUFFERING EMERGES, I WILL GIVE SUFFICIENT TIME TO GRIEVE IT, THEN PUT IT IN THE PAST AND NOT LOOK BACK. LOCK IT IN THE PAST. BALL AND CHAIN.

NEVER AGAIN. NOPE. NEVER.

I WILL RAISE MY CHIN AND LOOK AHEAD.

 

 

 



May. 12th, 2007

  • 12:01 PM
jollibee
so i went to Gameworx with my brother last night. it's a something akin to timezone for adults where you still play the games but you can drink while at it.

one of the reasons why i wanted to come out here in chicago was my brother. yeah, of course to visit him and his family and hang out. but to finally bring out some of the issues that i felt ha been in the backroom for some time which prevented us from being closer.

so amidst vodka and buffalo wings, i told him (in no specific order) that i was so angry at him for years, how he was my idol when i was younger, that i envied the relationship that my other friends had with their older brother, how my dad really felt about him, and that i was really angry at him. and that i was angry. at. him.

the things that i learned that night were pretty incredible. to think this is my only sibling in this whole wacky world. 

finally. after decades of hurt and anger.

the bartender probably thought it was weird coz i got teary eyed and he actually cried. 

Thank you God.

and shoot, i lost at Dance Revolution . Phooey.

brotherly luuuv

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Bianca Alyssa Raymundo

  • May. 9th, 2007 at 6:58 AM
jollibee


is this not the 2nd most adorable child you have seen? (the 1st one hasn't been born yet. mine =p)

 

spidey
So I finally watched Spiderman 3.

I went with my 2 cousins and 7 of their friends to a midnight showing which is supposed to be a big deal. we ate some krispy kreme before that and all i can say is - go nuts donuts with more sugar in it.

Thirty minutes before they threw a beach ball into the crowd to rile them up. worked like a charm. that thing went up and down the theatre like crazy. then the fun police came and took it away.

so here are my take aways from the movie:
-white men can't dance
-when 2 people fall in love, there's always a 3rd or 4th person who gets hurt
-james franco is hottt
-kirsten dunst was better in interview with a vampire =p
-too many subplots
-uncle ben was the hero in the movie
-james franco is hottt
-the choices you make, make you
-i still see topher grace as eric forman in that 70's show
-most heroes come from a poor background (except batman)
-literally forgetting = forgiveness
-always be there for your friends
-false modesty is always worse than bragging
-do not kiss other people in front of your significant other. lol.
-wrong actions can be justified by the right reasons as shown by the sandman (questionable, i know)
-james franco is hottt

bow.

Captain's Log: Markwood St., Apr 30 2:40am

  • May. 6th, 2007 at 4:54 AM
jollibee
Listening to California Dreaming by Benny Benassi.
***
I had a totally awesome time at Universal Studios. Now I can't sleep. Haunted by too many thoughts wizzing by.
***
I picked up (literally from off the floor) this book called the Be Book by F. Richard Schnackenberg. I will post notes about his book the following days. Excellent book.
***
Before I left the Phils, I prayed to God to give me an aswer and to make it obvious because I'm dense =p Just before I left a friend of mine gave me this book by Bo Sanchez, "Simplify and Live the Good Life - How to Be Really Wealthy in All Areas of Life". Then there was this white dude from Nevada who sidled up to me at the San Francisco Intl Airport asking me if I was Chinese (must be the MSG I snacked on). He seemed harmless so I indulged him in conversation. The bulk of the conversation revolved around living the simple life, and using something you're passionate about as a living. He said it was totally awful to be in the rat race and having to always feel the pressure of being something, someone or somewhere. I totally agreed. (He had just came back from a 4 month stint in China teaching English. Before that he came from Guam building houses).

Then when I get to my cousin's house here in California, I chance upon this BE Book - which tells me that nothing, absolutely nothing is coincidence. Everything that happens to you is a direct result of the way you think. Cause and Effect. And Cause is always equal to y.o.u.

Then I spent a whole day at Universal Studios with my cousin Dennis. He talked about listening to people's greatness and love. Actually, deducing the message behind people's words. I'm sitting in on one of his classes for this --I know it's gonna be great!

Oh, and I went to Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum in LA. Most of the stuff seemed phony to me --> believe it or not!
jollibee
*snippets from my notebook while waiting at the airport*
------------------------


Four hour lay-over in Hongkong. Hence the multitude of chinky eyes in the vicinity (mine included). I'm thinking that Cali Maki that girl is eating looks really good. Should have gotten that instead of the pizza.
***
Haaay. I plan to totally kick back and relax this one month. I feel like I've been lacking sleep for years.
***
The airport feels like a microcosm for life. People going, people coming, people in a rush, people waiting. Some alone, some lonely, some coupled up, still lonely.
***
I want to eat a chocolate seahorse. Guylian. The World's Favorite Belgian Chocolate. Question for the day: What's sadder that having to take your own picture?
***
They say the way you travel reflects the way you live your life. I like to travel sloooow. Which is completely contradictory to the lifestyle I lead. Wherein days pass by so quickly. I didn't even realize that 5 years have gone by since graduation =p
***
Annoying habit # 1: I've developed a penchant for staring at other people's faces. I like to study their features, wonder about how they're feeling, and where they're headed. That German couple on my left must be thinking if this Asian kid has the makings of a stalker.
***
I like airports. No one enjoys uncertainty but I think being in transition is good. It forces you to think about where came from (past) and where you're supposed to go (future).
***
I'm thinking since I'm in Hongkong, I should eat something Chinese =p Sweet and sour pork? Dimsum? Or maybe I should just buy a packet of MSG and gobble it up.
***
Good. Skinny jeans are also in here. Should have brought that extra pair. Darn.

mid year's resolution

  • May. 4th, 2007 at 7:11 PM
jollibee
i actually wrote this at the start of the year. but i haven't been updating mah lj often. but i wanted to put this down because 1)so i'll remember it 2)i wanted to share it. so there.

Since January 1 has come and gone,this is my mid year's resolution. And from here,this is where you put down S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measurable, attainable (?) realistic, time bound)goals.

- Do one thing everyday that scares you.
- Count your blessings always. 1..2...3...
- Visit a new place every week. Be it a mall, a playground, an exotic restaurant or a little corner in your room you've never looked into.
- Always express your appreciation to the people you care about.
- Read a new book about a topic you know nothing about.
- Stop SMOKING. (I did. Last stick died down in December, still clean up to now. I know I won't the whole year - positive thinking) 
- Take lots of pictures.
- Always have a daily goal that will lead you to your ultimate goal.
- Tell your parents you love them as often as you can.
- Learn how to say 'I love you' in different languages.
- Learn a new joke.
- When you are hurt, admit it instead of denying(which is my immediate defense mechanism).  Then when you've learned the lesson, thank the person who hurt you.
- Be considerate of other people's time.
- Visit your relatives often.
- Drink your vitamins.
- When you start to PROCRASTINATE, take a bath (it works for me).
- Drink 8 glasses of water everyday.
- Remember to greet people on their birthdays. Not belated, not advanced but on the right day.
- When angry, smile and ask yourself, "Why are you angry?"
- Take an hour everyday to talk to God. It will make the remaining 23 better.
- Learn to cook for your family and friends.
- Share one book you really enjoyed with people you would like to discuss the book with.
- Invest in eye cream, eye drops and carrots.
- Give compliments often but only if you mean it.
- Think twice, thrice before buying anything.




Apr. 28th, 2007

  • 12:04 AM
swing
i'm leaving on a jet plane tom and for some reason i'm scared. could it be that i should be sleeping coz i'm leaving in 5 hours time but i haven't started packing yet? could it be that i know when i come back everything would have changed? new office building, new house, new set of people to deal with (and befriend).

scared. and usually whenever i'm scared but need to do something, i procrastinate. so here i am wallowing in my fear. doing nothing.

i'm leaving for the US but I know when I'll be back again. I hope God sends me the answers to my prayers. Or maybe He has sent it already but I've been too preoccupied to notice.

dreamt a dream

  • Jan. 15th, 2007 at 3:08 PM
crybaby
i kept waking up at random times last night as if i wanted to stop dreaming. i remember bloody red eyes staring at me out of the dark, and i woke up startled. i laid my head down again and i remember being scolded by my mom, i think i was a lil girl in the dream. i shot upright, as if to stop dreaming or remembering. i eased back down to bed, and i started dreaming of karlo but it was vague. i can only remember fragments. weird.

it was like i consciously did not want to dream anymore. hmm.